Archives for May 2018

Cultivate Your Support System – Speaking Truthfully – Part 2

Being honest is one of the most beautiful acts of kindness you can give to your fellow human beings.

And building a support system is all about giving as much as it is about receiving. Some of the many benefits include…

  • Gaining relationships that actually matter. If you have been following my story at all, you know that I believe more than anything that we attract what we put out into the world. When we are genuine with our words, we attract friends and family who resonate with our truth. This means we will be around like-minded people who also speak truthfully and genuinely.
  • Bonus: We learn to stop caring about others’ unhelpful or judgmental opinions. When we tell our truth over and over again, we start to see that those who agree with us gravitate towards us, and those who judge us fade away
  • Additionally, being honest with others sends messages, such as, “I trust you with my truth. I know that you understand me, because I understand you, and you are also safe to be honest with me. I will not judge you.” Isn’t this a wonderful way to interact with the people we love the most?
  • Raising vibrational frequency. When we speak in a way that is dishonest, it always comes from a place of fear. Fear lowers our vibrations and puts us in a state where more fear is likely to occur. We must resist the fear that comes with being honest, and trust that honesty is indeed the better path, even if less traveled.
  • Living more healthily + authentically. When we aren’t honest in every way, we have to remember which lie we’ve told and to whom we’ve told it. We have to make sure we don’t contradict ourselves. This is true even for the lies that we’ve only told ourselves, and it’s simply exhausting. Being honest reduces the stress and increases energy, because we no longer have to keep track of all the inconsistencies.

By being honest in every situation, we build support beams everywhere we are, and we develop a strong, supportive community for ourselves. This community is one we can trust, because we know it has been built in honesty.

The consequences of being honest doesn’t always feel too great. Our truth might cause arguments, hurt feelings, or discomfort, and most of us are trying to avoid negative experiences like this.

The key to being honest without causing harm or conflict is to always listen before speaking. There are a few simple but very important concepts that must be understood here.

How to be better listener + tell your truth more authentically.
  • Don’t interrupt others.
  • We often interrupt others so we don’t forget what we want to say. The reality is, sometimes it’s ok to forget our thoughts. Sometimes we change our minds after remaining silent for a moment or two. Allowing others to speak first helps you get clearer on your own thoughts, so you don’t get stuck saying things you didn’t really mean.
  • Make statements when you are certain.
  • If you’re feeling unsure about your thoughts, don’t voice them as a fact, or maybe don’t voice them at all (use your best judgment in each situation). When we say things as if they’re factual when really they’re just an opinion, an opinion you’re not really sure about anyway, we make others uneasy. When we only make 100% true statements, we earn the respect of others by increasing our credibility, which further adds to our support system.
  • State your intention upfront.
  • Starting sentences with, “I just want to tell you this, because it’s been bothering me, and talking about it out loud with you will help me feel better. Is that ok?” will immediately make the other person more receptive to what you have to say. You’ve explained that you aren’t trying to attack them, and you’ve asked them their permission before continuing on. This might feel awkward at first, but I promise you will soon start to reap the rewards of this new way of speaking.
  • Understand the context of the situation by…
  • Asking open-ended questions. Open-ended questions are ones that cannot be answered by “yes” or “no.” They require the other person to give a longer, more thoughtful answer, and often start off with “what, where, who, when, how,” and never start a question with, “why.”
  • Asking yourself if your honest opinion will help the situation. Think about all the ways this can occur. For example, will it be helpful to tell your best friend that you no longer want her to buy you gifts? At first, you might think “No! That would hurt her feelings, how would that be helpful?” Well, if you’re trying to live a minimal life, this might help her understand that material gifts aren’t your favorite type of affection. She may then start getting you experience gifts, which would benefit your relationship in the long run in so many ways. Remember to state your intention before saying potentially hurtful statements.
  • Asking if right now is the best time to state your truth? Would it be best to speak your truth exactly in this moment, or should you wait for a better time? Be honest with yourself, and don’t let fear be a determining factor.

Lastly, and most importantly, remember to practice with love for yourself and for the ones around you. Change is possible, but only when you see through the lens of love.

With love + honesty,

Alyse

Cultivate Your Support System – Being Vulnerable – Part 1

We hear it all the time: find your support system.

But what does this really mean? How do we do it?

The answer is simple, but not always easy. We “find” support by creating support, and this often takes time and intention. We must be willing to do this work. Having a group of individuals whom you can call upon in times of need or joy is invaluable, and it occurs through being

  • vulnerable,
  • speaking our truth,
  • and letting go of all fear and judgements.

Vulnerability:

There is tremendous power in being vulnerable.

Some benefits include:

  • Creating a space for enormous growth
  • Strengthening your ability to be compassionate
  • Closer relationships with the ones who matter most to you

We are all unique and beautiful in our very own way, and the people around us deserve to see more of who we truly are. When we show our true selves to others, we offer them a rare gift, because no one else can truly replicate what we are.

Hiding from others says, “I don’t like me,” “You won’t like me,” “I have nothing to offer,” or “You don’t deserve all that I have to offer.” You DO have a lot to offer, even if you can’t see it right now. In fact, the more you allow others to see you, the more you will start to see your own gifts in a brighter light.

Society has conditioned us to keep our thoughts to ourselves.

Things we’re told not to talk about or show others:

  • When we’re sad.
  • When we’re angry.
  • When we’re elated with joy.
  • When we’re proud of ourselves.
  • When we love or appreciate others.

The positive? We can change any. time. we. want. It’s true. The power to change is always within us, even when the outside world remains exactly the same. We can choose to open our hearts and stay true to ourselves by allowing vulnerability in.

Being vulnerable is a skill, and it doesn’t happen overnight, so…

Where can you practice this skill?

Online:

The Internet is full of online support groups, and this is a great place to start. Remember to find spaces where tolerance is key. In the community guidelines, violent and hateful language should never be permitted. Positivity and support should always be the main focus.

At Raw Alignment, community is arguably our most important resource. That’s why we’ve created Facebook groups like The Raw Alignment Community, The Raw Alignment Movement, and a closed Facebook group for every retreat we have.

In Person:

Our favorite options, of course, include in-person support, such as…

  • hanging out with friends and family who lift you up
  • cook meals
  • watch movies
  • take walks
  • play games
  • joining meet-ups and other groups in your community
  • meetup.com
  • nextdoor.com
  • any local community events you can find
  • the Raw Alignment retreats
  • come see how others have come together to form sisterly and brotherly bonds they never knew imaginable

Tips for strengthening your vulnerability skills:

  • Practice mindfulness, and then listen to your gut
  • Look to yourself for validation – not others – and then be a role model
  • Don’t assume anything. Ask questions from a state of genuine curiosity.
  • Release all expectations you have of others

Questions to ask yourself:

  • How am I reacting right now, in this moment?
  • What is causing me to react this way? Is it something internal, external, or something in between?
  • How do I want to show up in this situation?

Not only can you change your own life, but you can also encourage others to live their most authentic lives. Role modeling vulnerability with your actions provides a safe, nonjudgmental space for others to show up as their true selves, and this is how positive community is created.

It starts with you.

Mahalo,

Alyse